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lives, we will be trying to adhere to them. These beliefs will influence us in the way we relate sexually: whether we are close or distant; whether we are expressive or sullen. For example, if your parents enjoyed a love match, you will probably expect to experience the same in your own relationships. If you grew up in a family where shows of emotion were discouraged, you may find it difficult to express yourself. Or if a sibling constantly belittled you when you were young, you may grow up feeling unattractive, and it will be hard to overcome this poor self-image. Understanding your negative beliefs does not automatically rid you of position to alter your behavior so that you achieve a different result. In sexuality discussion groups for women, it is often found that there BELOW ARE THREE EXERCISES that will help you clarify your own personal beliefs. It is important to understand that you are NOT limited by these beliefs. Once you have recognized and understood them, you can consciously act differently, in order to change patterns of behavior and achieve different outcomes. characters of the women attending. This is that they are singularly lacking in self-confidence when it comes to sex, and that this is linked with a likelihood that they have never One of the lessons women learn by attending the group is how to masturbate (see pp.70–71), on the grounds that masturbation is an extremely pleasurable activity in its own right; it teaches women about their own sexual response, which in turn brings them confidence; and it reach climax into their relationships with lovers, thus offering them a much greater likelihood of climaxing during sexual intercourse. It may sound far-fetched to link such a physical activity to feelings of confidence, but clinical experience shows that women who learn how to climax feel better about themselves This exercise helps you to work out where your beliefs come from and which member of your family might have been most responsible for influencing you. 1. List ten beliefs on separate pieces of paper and put them on the floor. These must refer to your personal life, for example, “I should remain a virgin until 2. Walk over to the belief you think you might have the most trouble fulfilling. 3. Ask yourself: “Where did this belief come from? Was it from a member of my family? Is this belief relevant to me?” 4. Repeat with the other nine statements. This exercise will help you to understand 1. List ten points stating why sex is important to you in order of priority. The following ideas might feature on the list: sexual release; closeness and intimacy; discovering your own sexual nature; loss of virginity; an end to masturbation. 2. Place the points in order of difficulty of achievement. Starting with the easiest, consider whether it is a realistic priority or whether it is something you are conditioned to believe. If you feel it is realistic, then see how you could

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