to the penis whatever its size. It usually takes 10 to 20 minutes of pleasuring (foreplay) for the vagina to fully expand. If a couple is rushing to intercourse, the man mistakenly thinks that his penis is too small because the vagina does not feel snug. Th e remedy is enjoying pleasurable touch and genital stimulation before intercourse to allow her body and vagina to reach the plateau stage of arousal. Sexual incompatibility based on the couple’s genitals is, with extremely rare exceptions, a myth. Responsive Sexual Desire: A New Model of Female Sexuality Both men and women follow a similar physiological arousal sequence, although the psychological and relationship factors are somewhat diff erent. Basson (2002) has found that in committed, long-term relationships, women’s sexual desire becomes more integrated into her psychological system. In the beginning phase of a new relationship, romantic love RT56382_C004.indd 71 T56382_C004.indd 71 26/07/2007 18:48:26 6/07/2007 18:48:26 and passionate sex lead to easy sexual response for many women, but in a long-term relationship (aft er one or more years), increased distractions and fatigue lead to a diff erent kind of sexual desire pattern. In this model of female desire and sexual response, women have a lower biological urge for the release of sexual tension than men. Orgasm is not necessary for satisfaction and does not need to occur at each sexual encounter. Basson proposes that women’s sexual desire is oft en a responsive rather than a spontaneous event, greatly infl uenced by subjective psychological excitement. While a man’s sexual desire may be energized by physical drive, typically a woman’s sexual desire develops from her receptivity to gentle, relaxed sensual touching and/or playful, teasing touching. Th is touching leads to sexual desire and continues to emotional closeness, sensuality, genital stimulation, arousal, and eroticism. Sexual desire develops aft er initial sensual contact. Healthy female sexual response in an established relationship oft en begins in sexual neutrality, but sensing an opportunity to be sexual, the partner’s desire, or an awareness of potential benefi ts that are important to her and their relationship (emotional closeness, bonding, love, aff ection, healing, acceptance, commitment), she elects to seek sensual contact and stimulation. With beginning arousal, she may become aware at that time of a desire to continue the experience for sexual reasons and experience heightened arousal, which may or may not include wanting orgasm. Th is brings her a sense of physical well-being with added benefi ts such as emotional closeness, love, aff ection, and acceptance. Th is model acknowledges that for men sexual desire may be more biologically driven, whereas for women it is more psychological and relational. Advertising appreciates this: consider the billboard ad for a fi ve-star hotel that shows an attractive couple
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