wife’s vagina (and his wife was the widow of his dead brother, and Onan had to marry her by law). Does that sound anything like masturbation? No! It’s time to embrace masturbation as a source of pleasure and knowledge. Everyone in favor, raise your hand! (And get ready to use it.) My clients ask me if it’s possible to masturbate too much. If touching yourself affects your day-to-day life in a negative way, then the answer is yes. If you show up late for work because you were fantasizing about the hot photos in this book, that’s a problem. If you forgot to meet your mother-inlaw at the airport because you were test-driving your new vibrator, that’s a problem. But for the majority of us, we like how it feels, we know when and where it is appropriate, and we know from science that if we don’t use it, we’ll lose it. Hell, a few of us even know how to leverage it as Olympic training for the bedroom. By choosing to read this book, the rest of you are on your way there, so get ready to go for the gold. Or at least the cream. “Though masturbation ranks high on the pleasure index, it also provides time for both selfdiscovery and building skills for dynamite sex.” “Great news: Masturbation can be like a superhero’s power that we harness for the betterment of the world, and by world, I mean our private sexual world.” Forget Onan the Barbarian. Masturbation can be harmful only in the sense that done improperly, we can set ourselves up for bad sex through bad masturbation. Teenage boys and fraternity brothers masturbate their way to a sexual conclusion too quickly, and fifteen years later, they seek out sex counseling because they are frustrated, rapid ejaculators who blame everyone and everything for their problems in the bedroom. Here follows a typical situation: A healthy, happy adolescent has completed his Latin homework and decides to enjoy himself in the privacy of a locked bathroom. Standing in front of the mirror, he discovers his body, its responses, his physical likes, dislikes, and perhaps new parts of his body that feel good to touch. His mind wanders off to an exciting fantasy, just as a sibling knocks on the door, desperate to use the bathroom. The young man shouts back, “I’m coming!” The time from arousal to double entendre was quicker than a good “quickie.” If he continues a race to orgasm, his haste will lay the groundwork for rapid ejaculation and sex counseling. A crystal ball—or, better yet, proper sex education that includes masturbation—would inform him that the solution is not to stop masturbating, but rather to engage in mindful masturbation, a form of intuitive self-love whose main purpose is the enjoyment, discovery, and celebration of the human being as a sexual being. And that Latin student should not follow Caesar’s motto of veni, vidi, vici unless, like the emperor, he is destined always to come before seeing and conquering. Every time we masturbate in the same position, we are telling our body, “This is how to have an
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